I’d been trying to sleep for ages, but for some reason sleep just wouldn’t come tonight. All sorts of thoughts were closing in from every side. Still, I had to sleep. I lay there with my eyes shut a while longer, got fed up and sat up. Zaman was lying next to me. I called him softly. “Are you asleep?” No answer, so he must have been.
Oh well. I knew I wouldn’t fall asleep, but I lay down again anyway. After quite a while he suddenly said, “Go on, I’m here.” His answer surprised me a little. Without thinking too much I said, “I can’t sleep. Tell me, what should I do?” He turned toward me. “Why can’t you sleep? What are you thinking about so much?” “You don’t have to think, silly. The thoughts just come on their own. For a while now, whatever I try, failure follows me around and I keep getting more and more down. I can’t finish anything properly. And it feels like everyone is avoiding me for some reason, moving away from me. Tell me, what’s the answer? Nothing feels good any more. I want to leave it all and run away somewhere.”
Be patient
When he heard that he sat up. “Be patient,” he said. “Patience is a big thing. I think it’s the greatest blessing Allah has given us. An ordinary person can’t even understand how much patience can do. Be patient in everything, and Allah will surely free you from all of it. I believe people who are patient grow in their other good qualities too, and they can hold themselves together even when things are hard. For a while now I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit less patient. Try again to be patient in everything you do. May Allah help you.”
And never get angry
“And never get angry at anything or anyone again. Anger destroys all of a person’s good qualities. I really believe anger opens the door to everything bad. It’s anger that wakes up jealousy, envy and the urge for revenge. You could even say anger opens the road to a cursed life. I haven’t really seen you get angry yet, but I’m warning you in advance. If you want what’s good for you, remember what I’m saying. Not that you ever take me seriously. I tell you everything. Sometimes you listen, and most of the time who knows what you do. Or maybe you just don’t hear me!”
I had listened to him quietly all this time. I really am lucky to have a brother like him. Sometimes I feel I’m not his big brother at all, that he’s mine. Then he said, “Stop thinking nonsense and go to sleep. It’s very late. I have to get up early, I’ve got loads to do tomorrow.” And with that he fell asleep. Now he’s properly snoring.
I thought, it’s late, so what. I can sleep a little later. Let me at least write down some of what he said, if not all of it. I want to remember tonight as a special night.
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